Breathe

So excited for tomorrow! I'm leaving here for Sac around 2, then off to SB. Going to be good times.

However, until then, I am stuck in a bit of an emotional funk. My friend Dave told me he was being deployed to Afghanistan this weekend (he told me this weekend, being deployed in Dec). So that makes me super sad :( For some reason it didn't hit me until yesterday when he told me he was excited!!! Freaking excited, of all things. I don't understand, but I want to be supportive. But honestly, what am I going to do with him GONE for 6 months? I feel like I couldn't live without him. Ugh I can't think about this...

For some reason every time (and usually only when) I get upset, frustrated, or lonely, I want Jesse. Not necessarily want to be with him, just want that comfort again. I guess I am really not past it...or something. Okay so I know this is such a womanly emo thing to do, but there is this song (insert making fun of me laughter here) and it totally describes how I'm feeling right now! haha soooo emo of me. It's breathe by Taylor Swift. Who by the way rocks so I dont care if she is like 12 and an annoyingly beautiful teenager! I like her :)

So ya, that's a little of how I'm feeling right now. Conflicted, I'm happy that I have the life I do. I'm lucky in so many ways. There is just still this empty feeling, I guess that's something I have to fulfill myself. Maybe once I do I'll be ready to be with someone. I really dont think I am right now though. Too much conflict within me. Sometimes I want to be the nicest most nurturing person ever. Other times I feel like being a complete bitch. Why would I expect someone to put up with that? I shouldn't. So I think until I can be normal, and happy with just me, I should be alone. Let's hope this all doesn't fly out the window when the first hot guy comes along. Boo.