So I know everyone has off days or whatever, days when they just want to mope, and I'm picking today to be mine. First off Hank didn't sleep at ALL last night so I'm exhausted. And second, I miss my best friend Dave like hell. I really wish I could call him, just because no one else would understand anything that I'm feeling right now. Plus he is the only one I don't feel like I'm burdening when I fall apart. Except I do a little bit now that he's off at war and all (by the way, update: he is not coming home early, fuck).
I got some bad news last night, sort of changes my plans for school. I don't know why but it all hit me just now, my heart's aching a little bit. I was sitting here trying to figure out why I was hurting so much. Then I looked at the date.
May 1 is coming up quick. It's the day I'm moving in to my new apartment. It's the day I'm starting a new life. It's 6 weeks until I turn 23. Time is flying by fast and all I want to do is dig my heels into the ground and scream for it to stop.
May 1 2010, my cousin, the best friend I have ever known, he would have been 23 on that day. He would have celebrated, he might have been married, maybe he'd have kids, maybe he'd be a marine like he always wanted to. Maybe my heart would be aching for two soldiers to come home. Maybe
So now instead of just missing my current best friend, I miss the one that came before him. It feels like someone pulled my heart up through my throat. I wish he was here, I wish he was here every damn day. And I still wonder why he isn't....
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