title

I feel like everything is falling apart.

I am not bi-polar I swear. I'm not always up and down. And I am excited about moving. But good god I need this weekend to end.

School is hard, and no one gets it. I don't care if you think it's easy, I don't care if you think being a lawyer doesn't take some friggen guts and hard work. It is TOUGH. And I won't sit here and lie, I am not studying the way I should, I'm not working as much as I should. And getting average grades on my midterms didn't help motivate me. I feel....stagnant. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to not just want to sit on the couch and watch tv. I don't know how. But I sure as hell won't sit by while someone tells me I have no right to be stressed.

When you feel like your drowning, it's really easy to fall apart. And damnit that's stressful!

I feel like everything is closing in on me. I feel like I've been playing this role and pretending for awhile. I don't really know what to do to climb out of this, and I'm so so scared I'm going in the wrong direction.

I'm going home Friday, thank god. I miss my mom. I miss being a part of my own family. I've been thinking so much about how maybe it wasn't right to leave Northern California. I could have gone to school up there again. I left a place where I finally felt like I'd found a second family. I had good girl friends that I could always turn to. Here, I'm alone. I used to think I wasn't completely alone....but...I was wrong. Here I am.

This is a terribly mellow dramatic post, I apologize. I'm not being that way intentionally, I don't want pity, hell maybe this should have just gone into my journal. I'm just lost...